An Open Letter to Carl Rogers

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”  Carl Rogers.

Carl Rogers was an American psychologist who began his career in the 1950’s and studied and wrote throughout the 1980’s.  He is considered to be a grandparent of Humanistic psychology and client-centered therapy.  Shifting away from a pathologizing, “therapist as expert” stance, Rogers created a collaborative model of counseling that privileged the knowledge and experience of the client.  I came to know Rogers’ principles as they were taught through the hearts of the collective members at the Berkeley Free Clinic, where I trained as a peer counselor.  I carry Rogers with me in my life and in my therapy practice.  I share this authentic part of myself here because it is part of what I embody when I sit with my clients. 

Dear Carl, 

Thank you for teaching me about empathy, non-judgment and unconditional positive regard—your conditions for creating psychological safety.  During my training and work as a peer counselor, I learned to rest in these principles.

The tools were simple and elegant: reflective listening; non-verbal minimal attending (the oh’s and ah’s of listening; a humming along); and a warm, accepting, and gently curious presence. My role as a peer counselor was to convey that I was there and that I was trying to understand.  That something so simple could be so supportive felt like a sort of magic. 

I naturally internalized the work, and it began to alter my way of being.  I felt what it was like to create space for others, and in the process, space opened up inside of me.  I was developing a practice of being in the moment while remaining both grounded and empathetically engaged.  When I practiced relating in this way, I felt good and kind and capable.   It became easier to really be okay with whatever was going on around and inside of me. Through learning to support others in finding safety, I found safety inside myself.

From this place, I could turn my attention in, and sense inside. I began to feel what you call the actualizing tendency.  You taught that each individual holds the capacity to grow and the light to follow that growth.  I came to know that too, through sitting with members of the community, and through being with myself.  Through your own observation and self-reflection, you came to understand people as having a basic organismic trustworthiness.  I came to find that within myself.  I trust that you, Carl, know what a gift that is.

So thank you, Carl.  I carry you within me, a beautiful model of relationship. I aspire to bring your life and work into mine. 

Warmest regards,

Leah